The Art of Meaningful Connection: How to Build Relationships That Truly Matter
We are born with an innate need for attachment and connection. As babies, we crave closeness, so we turn to our caregivers to hold us and support us. As adults, our need for connection is still very much present and takes place through the relationships we develop. But why do we need connection and how do we cultivate relationships that feel meaningful to us?
Why We Need Meaningful Relationships
Positive impact on our mental health: Having meaningful relationships can do wonders for our mental health. It can help reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression. The presence of these relationships also allows us to combat stress and develop resilience.
Reduces Isolation: Sometimes, we can be constantly surrounded by people and still feel lonely. Building meaningful relationships is less about the quantity of people and more about the quality of people around you. When you have a few people who get to see the real you, your sense of loneliness can start to fade away slowly.
They help us grow: We are often a reflection of the people we surround ourselves with. Strong and supportive relationships can help inspire, challenge, and encourage us. Surrounding ourselves with the right people can help remind us of who we are and who we want to be. It can give us the push we need to continue growing.
How to Build Meaningful Relationships
Reflect on current relationships.
To cultivate relationships that feel meaningful for you, reflect on what a “meaningful” relationship would look and feel like. Reflect on your current relationships and how you feel when you’re around the people closest to you. What makes you feel loved?
Also, reflect on what makes your loved one feel appreciated. Meaningful relationships can exist when both parties feel seen and heard. So, reflecting on or asking your loved ones what they need can help strengthen existing relationships.
Surround yourself with like-minded people.
Often, we need some aspect of similarity in a successful relationship. We don’t have to share the same taste in music, favorite color, or ice-cream flavor. We don’t even need to come from the same background. In fact, different personalities and life experiences within a friendship can often be enriching.
But having similar values or beliefs about the world can be an important area for connection. For example, having shared values around priorities in a relationship (like honesty, kindness, curiosity, or ambition) can help form a strong foundation. When that foundation exists, we're more likely to feel aligned with our loved ones about the purpose of the relationship and why we're in it.
Practice being vulnerable.
We often hide the parts of ourselves that we don't deem desirable. We hide parts of ourselves to be more liked or to have others perceive us differently. But by doing this, we’re missing out on a key human experience: support.
So, to build meaningful relationships, try opening up more to your loved ones. Let them be there for you. Allowing this can remind you that you are cared for as you are and that you don't need to dim your light to be seen.
To practice being vulnerable, you can start small and do it at your own pace. You can do it in a way that still feels safe for you. Maybe it’s letting your friend know that you've had a hard day, or opening up about an insecurity you have. It could also just be venting about an annoying thing that happened at work.
But sharing your experiences can build connections that can truly be healing. Practicing vulnerability reminds us that we don’t have to have it together all the time. Opening up to a loved one can allow us to develop confidence in fully being ourselves and trusting others to meet us there.
Practice being assertive.
Similar to not wanting to be vulnerable, our fear of confrontation is another barrier to cultivating meaningful relationships. Sometimes, in relationships, we keep certain things to ourselves ( such as things the other person is doing that trigger or upset us). We think we’re keeping the peace and protecting the relationship by not communicating our feelings.
But by doing this, we’re ingraining the belief that we aren’t allowed to assert our needs. When we hold everything in, we’re teaching ourselves that speaking up might threaten the relationship, rather than strengthen it.
When you have a direct conversation with someone you love about how you’re feeling in the relationship, you can actually strengthen it. It can teach you that your relationship can survive hard or difficult conversations, strengthening the security you feel within the relationship.
There is a way you can have these conversations in a healthy manner. Use "I" statements, stay calm, and speak honestly, while also leaving space for the other person to share their perspective.
Find People You Can Laugh With.
Yes, vulnerability and healthy communication are vital in building meaningful connections. But just as important is finding people you can be silly with. When we’re young, all we want is someone to play with. Adulthood can sometimes strip that away. But at our core, we still need to laugh, have fun, and joke around.
So, find people who feel healing for your inner child. Find people who help you take life a little less seriously. Find people who make you laugh. Because we all need that, at times.
One way to cultivate this in a relationship is by being intentional about sharing joy with your friends. Let yourself be light. Permit yourself to let go, even just a little, in your relationships.
Take Care of Yourself.
There’s a saying: “We accept the love we think we deserve.” In relation to forming meaningful relationships, if our relationship with ourselves doesn't have undertones of positivity, it becomes easier to accept behaviours from others that are also not positive. We can start to exist in or develop new relationships that don’t really serve us.
Ultimately, to allow meaningful relationships to come to us, we have to get to know ourselves and start to feel better about who we are. We have to believe that we are worthy of meaningful connections.
Using your own reflection on what you want in a relationship, ask yourself: Do you offer that to yourself? Are you kind, compassionate, and honest with yourself?
You get to set the tone for what you accept. And by modelling those behaviours within yourself, you’re training yourself not to accept anything less!
Meaningful relationships don’t happen overnight. Like most good things, it takes time, work, and the ability to sit with discomfort. As you try to deepen your relationships or seek out new ones, remind yourself that you are worthy of a connection that feels good to you.
Ready to prioritize your mental health and well-being? MSC Therapy offers specialized psychotherapy services for young adult women in New York and Florida. Mollie provides compassionate, client-centered, and supportive therapy to help clients navigate anxiety, low self-esteem, disordered eating, body image concerns, OCD, relationship issues, dating, school or career stress, perfectionism, and life transitions. Services are available virtually, allowing for convenient and accessible support. Reach out now to take the first steps toward a more balanced life.