Understanding Grief: Types of Loss, Stages, and Ways to Heal
Grief is a universal experience, yet it's one we often avoid talking about. When it arrives, it can feel overwhelming, disorienting, and deeply painful. Understanding what grief is and how it shows up can offer a sense of steadiness in the midst of the storm. With greater awareness and self-compassion, it’s possible to move through grief in a way that honors both your pain and your resilience.
We Grieve All Kinds of Losses…
Grief comes in many forms. While most people associate grief with the death of a loved one, it can show up in many other ways. We may grieve when a relationship comes to an end. We may grieve when our pets pass away. We grieve during transitions such as graduating from school, moving to a new city, or even changing jobs.
For some, grief is loud. It shows up everywhere, and you may feel like you can’t escape it. For others, grief can show up in quiet yet equally profound ways. It can impact the choices you make in ways you may not even be fully aware of.
Whatever it is, however it shows up, your grief is valid. It’s allowed to take up space, and it does not need to mirror anyone else's experiences.
The Five Stages of Grief
The five stages of grief are a framework still used in the mental health setting. Your therapist may introduce the model to you to help validate some of the emotions you're feeling. But it’s important to remember that everyone copes with grief differently. You may resonate with some of the stages, or none at all. And that is okay. Make space for any of the emotions you feel with your grief, as you're feeling them for a reason. The five stages are:
1. Denial: "This isn’t happening.” Denial can be a defense mechanism. We may deny the loss or grief we’re experiencing in order to protect ourselves from processing harder feelings.
2. Anger: "Why did this happen?” When we experience grief, feelings of things being unfair can start to form. We may experience anger as a result of feeling frustrated or helpless. The anger may be directed inward or outward, toward a specific person, professional, or higher power.
3. Bargaining: "If I do this, maybe something will change." Grief can also trigger feelings of a lack of control. In our attempt to manage this, we may try to regain control by imagining different outcomes or different scenarios where the grief or loss did not occur.
4. Depression: "This is too much, and I can’t cope.” Feelings of depression can kick in when we doubt our ability to handle the grief. We may feel low and lack motivation to do things we once enjoyed. Be extra gentle with yourself in this stage.
5. Acceptance: "I’m learning how to learn with this.” Acceptance occurs when we are able to understand the role loss plays in our lives. Acceptance doesn’t mean we’ve moved on. Rather, acceptance is about learning to accept this new way of living.
“Grief is just love with no place to go.”
Healing may look like finding new ways and spaces for that love to continue existing.
Ways to Process Grief
Talking to someone you trust: Grief can feel lonely. We may feel like no one understands what we're going through. But talking to friends, family, or a therapist about grief can remind you that you don’t have to carry the pain on your own, that you’re allowed to lean on others, and that support is available.
For some people, talking about the person, experience, or animal you miss can be really beneficial. Sharing memories, identifying what you miss, or even just saying their name out loud may help you feel a sense of connection. Talking about the person can remind you that the relationship you had was real, and that the love you felt is still able to live on in a different way.
Creating Rituals and Traditions: When we experience grief, we may think, “What now?”. There may be a part of us that wants to honor our experience, but we might not be quite sure how. Creating rituals and traditions can be a meaningful way to process the grief we feel.
Rituals can include: lighting a candle, journaling, looking at photos, and listening to specific songs. Doing these things is just a simple way to slow down and connect with our feelings. Traditions can include: visiting specific places that hold special memories or doing things that you and your loved one used to enjoy together. Rituals and traditions are best when they are deeply personal and specific. So, reflect on what may work best for you!
Giving Yourself Permission to Feel Joy Again: After experiencing a loss, it’s common to feel guilty when experiencing feelings of happiness. Our mind may trick us into believing that this is wrong, that we shouldn’t feel this way, or that we’re not allowed to experience good things. Sometimes, we may feel like being happy is a form of betrayal. But it’s important to remember that grief can exist alongside joy. When we experience grief, we don’t “move on”; we move forward. So when you’re ready, try and open up your heart and permit yourself to experience joy. You deserve it.
Grief changes us. It may alter the way we see the world, and it may impact our ability to express love. You're allowed to be changed by it. If you are currently experiencing grief, take a moment to reflect on your needs. Give yourself the time and permission to process your emotions. It’s okay if you don’t feel okay. There’s no right way to experience grief; all you can do is meet yourself where you are, one day at a time.
Ready to prioritize your mental health and well-being? MSC Therapy offers specialized psychotherapy services for young adult women in New York and Florida. Mollie provides compassionate, client-centered, and supportive therapy to help clients navigate anxiety, low self-esteem, disordered eating, body image concerns, OCD, relationship issues, dating, school or career stress, perfectionism, and life transitions. Services are available virtually, allowing for convenient and accessible support. Reach out now to take the first steps toward a more balanced life.