Why We Suppress Trauma and How to Heal
Trauma can be defined as our response and feelings to a difficult event. Trauma is deeply personal, and each individual's experience of it is unique. Sometimes, when we experience trauma, we suppress it. We often resort to this as a defense mechanism or a way to protect ourselves in the moment.
This blog will explore why we suppress trauma, how it impacts us, and how we can begin focusing on healing and moving forward.
Why We Suppress Trauma
To suppress trauma means to consciously or unconsciously push it away. We push it away because the idea of thinking about it or processing it may feel too scary. Sometimes we push it away because we think that by doing so, it’s less true or real.
We may doubt our resilience or our ability to cope if we let ourselves fully process the trauma.
Suppressing trauma is a coping mechanism; it helps us function in the moment. It allows us to show up for school, work, and relationships without falling apart. But often, even when we suppress trauma, we are still impacted. Unresolved trauma can affect our thoughts, behaviors, and emotions in ways we aren’t always aware of.
The Impact of Suppressing Trauma
When we suppress trauma, our thoughts, behaviors, and emotional patterns are still impacted. In psychological terms, our brain forms schemas. Schemas are mental frameworks formed from past experiences that shape our perceptions of ourselves, others, and the world around us.
So even if we aren’t naming the trauma (to our loved ones or ourselves), it’s still impacting the choices we make and the way we show up. If we experience trauma, the schemas we have about the world may sometimes be maladaptive and may hold us back. For example, if you were in a relationship that felt unsafe, you may develop a belief that all relationships will look like that. If you grew up in a harmful environment, your schema may be that the whole world is dangerous.
To summarize, suppressed trauma does not just disappear. It’s stored in our body, our brain, and our memories. It impacts our daily functioning. It impacts how we regulate our emotions and affects the choices we make about our moments and experiences.
Unresolved trauma can also impact our…
Anxiety Levels: Our nervous system may be in a state of constant alertness. This looks like heightened levels of fear, stress, and worry. We may experience difficulties falling asleep, paying attention, or even relaxing.
Defense Mechanisms: When we suppress trauma, our trauma responses still show up. We may respond to conflict or threats in ways that don’t actually align with who we are as people.
Need for Control: When trauma is suppressed, our need for control or certainty may increase. We may turn to our bodies, routines, and environments as a way to regain control. This can be harmful when our need for control is used as a form of punishment or as a means of avoidance.
Trust Levels: We may struggle to trust our judgment and the people around us. This can lead to difficulties in forming healthy relationships and attachments.
Confidence: Our confidence in ourselves, our voices, and our ability to achieve may be lessened. When we suppress trauma, our concept of self and identity are also impacted.
Learning to Process Trauma: Steps Towards Healing
Increasing Feelings of Safety
When suppression is no longer serving you or is no longer possible, the first thing to focus on is increasing feelings of safety. To heal from trauma, you need to feel safe with yourself and, eventually, with others. This can feel challenging, especially when the idea of safety seems distant and unfamiliar. But, achieving safety is possible when you put in the work.
Reflect on what it has felt like to be without a sense of safety. What does it feel like in your body? In the way you move through the world? What would safety mean to you?
To take steps toward safety, think about the boundaries you need. What current behaviors do you want to shift? Are there things you’re accepting from others that no longer feel okay?
Safety can also begin with small, daily practices such as grounding, mindfulness, and self-soothing techniques. These remind you that you have agency and autonomy.
When you suppress trauma, your brain is trying to protect you. So, you need to rewire your brain, and this may involve finding alternative ways to protect yourself as you open the doors to healing.
Sitting With Your Feelings
Create space for yourself to sit with your feelings. If something bad happened to you, did you ever give yourself the time to acknowledge it? Did you name the feelings you experienced? Give yourself permission to feel everything you need to feel. All of your feelings are valid.
Sitting with your feelings may also involve allowing yourself to grieve. After experiencing trauma, you may have entered “survival mode”. Because of this, your instinct was to move forward rather than pause and grieve. But you deserve time to pause. To grieve. To say, “That was hard. That hurt me.” You’re allowed to be angry, sad, overwhelmed, or whatever it is that you are feeling.
As you sit with your feelings, try to notice your inner dialogue. What story are you telling yourself about the event? Do you notice guilt, blame, or shame? Are those stories helping you or hurting you? Can you reframe your story to allow for a more gentle outlook?
Reflect on What You Need to Move Forward
What would healing feel like? What do you need to heal? What goals, dreams, or desires do you have for yourself that you may have put on the back burner because of trauma?
When trauma is not processed, it can be hard to have a positive outlook on the future. You may question your worth and doubt the possibility of good things happening to you.
To challenge this, it’s important to reconnect with hope. Even if it feels far away, it can be powerful to give yourself permission to imagine a life that feels more fulfilling for you. It’s about reminding yourself that you're allowed to want more, even if you’re not sure how to get there yet.
Suppressing trauma may be our brain’s way of protecting us in the moment. But when we suppress trauma, it does not disappear. It still affects us in ways we may not be aware of. Making space to process trauma can feel uncomfortable and difficult. But by dealing with suppressed trauma, you can find ways to move forward. You can start to heal and live the life you want for yourself.
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